The 2019 stats for marriage and divorce in Singapore were published in the news a few days ago. While the needle hasn’t moved significantly, there is still cause for concern because the number of divorces has increased by 4% compared to the year before. In the midst of the gloom, there are glimmering stories of reconciliation and restoration. And today, you will hear about one of them.about:blankFacebook URL
The number of divorces each year has been hovering around the mid 7,000 mark for the past few years. It will not get better if we do not start to dig deep to find out the root cause of divorce.
So, what causes divorce? For sure it isn’t extramarital affairs because extramarital affairs are merely signs that the marriage is in trouble. Many say that they have fallen out of love with one another. But what they are really saying is that they have stopped loving each other. Love is a decision, a deliberate choice you make each day, not an emotion. It does not fade away unless you have made a choice for it to.
Every couple starts off as friends. The friendship develops as they spend more time together and, as they say, sparks begin to fly. Attracted by each other’s certain good qualities, they glow in one another’s presence. Getting married seems to be the most natural thing to do next, and so they do.
After being married for a year or two, many couples would either be planning or expecting their first child. Once they become parents, their world now revolves around the child. This explains what Dr John Gottman found through his research that 67 per cent of married couples experience a significant dip in their marital quality within three years of having their first child. And assuming that they do not recover from this, their marriage takes another hit when the second child arrives.
It might just be a coincidence, but I don’t think it is, that the highest rate of divorce in Singapore is happening among those married between five and nine years.
So, you see, most marriages breakdown as a result of neglect, it is the law of entropy or decay. Being engrossed with career and child care married couples fail to invest enough of their time, effort and money into it.
Don’t believe The Beatles when they say “All You Need Is Love” because while marriage may begin with two people in love with each other – whatever their definition of love is – it certainly takes more than love to make it lasting and satisfying.
Even if your marriage has survived the first ten years, you’re not out of the woods yet. You will be tested again at the 20-year mark where more and more couples are untying the knot.
Why take the chance? Start today to invest into your marriage. Start by spending five hours at the Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work workshop to boost your marriage and your happiness. Sign up for the workshop today.